Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
