She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize