btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
