I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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