Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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