Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
