Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
