So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize