he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
