Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
