Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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