I can text with my tongue
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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