He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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