When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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