She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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