Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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