yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
