oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
