they need to just BURY HIM!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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