There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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