i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
