Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
