Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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