Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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