I wish I could punch you in the face.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize