Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
