How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
