Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
