There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
