If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
