he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
