I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
