We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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