we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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