I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
