My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
