I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
