We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
