come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
