WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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