If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
