I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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