Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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