Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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