We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
