so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
