When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
