sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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