I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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