I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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