There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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