this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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