2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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