So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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