I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
