do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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