That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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