can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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