Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
