if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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