dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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