My nipple is on Facebook.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i out mim tonsoeep
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