i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
