I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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